Finding Love Again

Finding Love Again

I have found that after a divorce I have had a very hard time finding Love again. Of course, I have found what I want to believe what is love even when it’s not. This includes a love of food, superficial love, love of friends, etc. Love has many different forms and can mean very different things. The love I am struggling with is the love of a relationship. Yes there are certain parts of relationships that I love, the cuddling, doing fun things, being able to talk to someone. It’s the opening your heart to love someone like I did before I was married and even at the beginning of the marriage. At times you think you need to do things on your own and you don’t need a man in your life to help you. Then when you get home from work at 5:15 pm, you have to cut the grass, start laundry, feed the dog and feed yourself, you begin to think, “Maybe I do need a man to help me out.”

I tell everyone that I don’t want to be married again, that I would rather cohabitate with someone. Make it easier then living in a marriage that might be bound for failure. Even though I don’t know that. It is then and only then that I will find the guy I wasn’t looking for, in the place I wasn’t looking. Then I have that fear that it won’t last. At some point I have to open up and let someone in.

Cohabitation

This relationship I’m in now is a new kind of relationship. We are taking it very slow although we do talk about marriage. We both are in various stages of Divorce, mine being complete, his still taking place. I know he doesn’t want to scare me off. He thinks I’m great, and I think the same of him. He makes me want to be better but still gives me the space I need. Part of me questions if I can even do this again, have a good relationship and possibly get married. I know I have to try though. Try to make myself a better person and if he is still around supporting me, then I guess he is a keeper.

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Sticking the Landing or Sticking Around?

Sticking the Landing or Sticking Around?

So why do you stick in a relationship you know isn’t going anywhere yet don’t want to give it up? For me the reason I’m sticking around is because of the sex. It’s amazing and happens a lot. Unfortunately that’s the only reason I’m still in the relationship. It’s not that we have a connection, we do have a connection it’s just not a strong connection not one I see going anywhere. But the sex is amazing.

At some point though you have to decide when to get out and when things aren’t going to workout anymore. It has to be soon right? I need to get out of this but I also need to have my needs met. It’s a toss up between sticking around or moving on and sticking the landing.

A relationship with just benefits

A relationship with just benefits

Have you ever been in a committed relationship but there’s very little “deep” talking and a whole bunch of sex? Like every time you are together with this other person you talk but you make it a point to have sex with them at least once before someone leaves? If you have you have people been at a stage in the relationship where you begin to question if this is really going to work… That moment where you begin to think, ‘is the sex really worth it?’ Yes that person treats you well and you treat them well but you don’t feel that connection that the other person might feel. Maybe your thinking, “what if we get bored with each other and stop having sex every day we are together? Will it be boring then with the awkward silence?”

This can go both ways, I have also been in relationships where you have had deep conversations but there was no sexual connection there at all.

You know that you will never be happy for long in these relationships but at some point you have to cut the cord and move on. The hardest part for some people is cutting that cord though. After you break up you think ‘maybe they are the person for me’ You begin to second guess yourself on all levels.

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