Things I want to say to my ex husband…

Things I want to say to my ex husband…

Do you ever have those days where someone has hurt you or done you wrong and all you want to do is tell them how you really feel? You want to get physical with them, punch them in the throat or where it hurts the most, yell at them. After you feel better for the moment. Then you don’t because it was only for you and they didn’t change. Things didn’t happen besides the word vomit that is everywhere. In dealing with divorce you really have to watch what you say and do. Anything can be used against you in court. So you write notes that will never be sent. Praying that doing so will make you feel better. But it doesn’t. You want to move on but you feel trapped.

Today was that day… the day of anxiety of complete frustration. The day where I wanted to yell at him, kick him in the balls and make him go to jail for a very long time. Today i wrote him this (but never sent it):

“You have hurt me more then you will ever know and more then anyone else I have known. You take people and use them for your own purposes and when they are no longer good use for you you leave them stranded and broken. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You have no regard for the law or responsibilities. You would rather not work a day in your life and have someone support you so you can drink and go to the races. You would think after 3 DUI’s you would have learned your lesson but drunks never learn until they kill someone or are killed. Honestly I pray for people on the road when you drive. Grow up and be a man think about others for a change. I know that is a very hard concept for you since it’s not all about you, he’ll maybe if you were a grownup and not a drunk like your uncle or what your dad used to be, you would actually have friends that were good to you and actually be your friends not back stabbing liars like you. Stop thinking the world owes you shit and start realizing how much it doesn’t revolve around you. You, (Insert ex-husbands full name), are a self-centered drunk who doesn’t give a crap about anyone but yourself.

We will never be friends or acquaintances. If I dare see you anywhere near me you better walk away. Do not talk to me anymore. What we had was over and it will never come back.”

Did that feel good? Kind of but I’m still broken, I’m still trying to move on and I’m still left in a million pieces wondering if I can make it another day.

Changing of the Tides

Changing of the Tides

I came to realize recently that i have an affection for not only sex but also for both sexes. I’ve always been fascinated with females, their boobs and how they look, but I grew up in a very religion family. I was never able to express or experiment with this. Not until recently when I met a man on craigslist. We bonded immediately over our attraction to sex and sexualized behaviors. He has since decided to fulfill all of my fantasies, including going down on a female. The first time I did, it was amazing, and after that i was hooked. I knew I was bi-sexual, even if i was dating a man. Now I am stuck in a weird predicament. The man I am seeing now knows I’m bi-sexual and has a hard time understanding what I feel.

Yes I understand I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have cheated in the first place, but I wasn’t in love with him like he is with me. I should have cut it off at that point but I kept dragging him along. Now we are here.

Love-is-Love

The worst part of it all is that I now have to tell my family or I should tell my family. It’s like coming out to the world that I’m gay even though I’m not truly gay. I love girls and guys just as much as the next person.

Breakups are Hard Work!

Breakups are Hard Work!

Have you ever had to breakup with some and things just weren’t working out for you but they were ‘in love’ with you? Breakup’s in general suck but when you hate confrontation or the other person doesn’t feel the same way, breakup’s can be worse.

I’ve always heard that you should never breakup with someone via text and you should never just let it keep going when you are done. I’ve done both before. I once broke up with a guy the day after Christmas…Over text…. Then proceeded to ignore his phone calls… Only to call him back an hour later telling him to leave me alone. I’ve also had the breakup where you just don’t hear from them anymore…

How-People-Break-Up

Well no worries! The Web always has articles for every life problem and wouldn’t you know I found one today on breakup’s and how to break up with someone…Thank you Buzzfeed for your infinite knowledge… Today’s article is called, “How To Dump Someone (Like An Actual Adult)“:

1. Don’t stall.

“You don’t need permission or a ‘good enough’ reason to break up with someone,” Harris O’Malley, who writes Paging Dr. NerdLove, tells BuzzFeed Life. “There will always be a reason it’s a ‘bad time’ to break up. There’s always a birthday or a holiday coming up. Once you’ve reached this point, it’s best to get it over with so you can both move on.”

2. Talk to the other person’s best self.

“Plan to talk to the best self that you know is in there, even if their worst self is all you can see at the moment,” Dana Caspersen, conflict specialist and author of Changing the Conversation: The 17 Principles of Conflict Resolution, tells BuzzFeed Life. “People tend to step up or step down to the level on which we engage them.”

3. Do it privately, and in person if possible.

“If you’re in a long-term relationship, your partner deserves the respect of being broken up with face to face,” O’Malley says. But if you struggle to stand up to your partner or organize your thoughts, he says, you may want to do it via phone or email.

Also, do it in private, at a time when you won’t be interrupted. If you do it in public, “you’re not just hurting them, you’re humiliating them,” O’Malley says.

4. Actually use the words “break up.”

“The dawning realization that you’re being dumped really hurts,” O’Malley says. “It almost feels like an insult in a way.” So say, “I think we should break up” or “I’m breaking up with you” at the beginning of the conversation.

5. Don’t blame them.

“Blame is about punishment, not about information and forward motion,” Caspersen says. “Don’t talk about what you think the other person did wrong in the relationship or negatively evaluate their personality. This wrongly puts the responsibility for your decision to break up onto the other person.”

6. Listen without making suggestions.

“Listening is about their point of view; suggestions are about your point of view,” Caspersen says. “Give the person the respect of focusing on their point of view, and then you can move on.”

And O’Malley recommends using “I” statements like “this isn’t working for me.” If you make it about their behavior, they may start offering ways they can change.

7. Accept that they may say hurtful things to you.

“People in breakups often react badly, expressing their anger and sorrow in an attack-style form of communication,” Caspersen says. “Be prepared for this and focus your attention on what the other person is really trying to say, even if they are saying it very badly. Let them know that you heard them, even when you disagree.”

O’Malley agrees. “Let them have their reaction,” he says. “Be willing to sit there and take it. They will call you names. Don’t call them irrational or tell them to calm down. Take it quietly.”

The one exception? If he or she becomes violent. Then, O’Malley says, “get the hell out.”

8. Be honest if you’re leaving them for someone else.

“I think it’s worth mentioning it because when they do see you with someone else, the shock is that much worse,” O’Malley says. “Be honest but politic about it.”

9. Be short, swift, and direct.

“Avoid a preamble,” O’Malley says. “Rip off the Band-Aid.”

10. Don’t detail the breakup on social media.

“Venting should be done privately to your friends in person,” O’Malley says, adding that even if you think your ex won’t see your Facebook post, they probably will. “A Facebook status change is inevitable, but when people ask, say, ‘It wasn’t working and we had to break up.'” He stresses that the kindest thing you can do is leave your ex their dignity.