About 44 days ago I found a great resource for people going through Divorce, the organization is called DivorceCare. They will send you daily emails for a year and they also have classes you can partake in. The reason I bring this up to you is that on day 41 the topic was “Saying Good-bye to your losses”. Here is what it stated,
“People in grief must learn to say good-bye to what they have lost. Saying good-bye is not a one-time experience, but there will come a day when final good-byes are said.
H. Norman Wright offers practical advice to help you say good-bye to your losses: “You have to work through your feelings—especially anger. Write a ‘non-mailed’ angry letter, and pour out your heart in it. Then sit with an empty chair placed in front of you, put the person’s name there, and read the letter out loud.
“Another idea is to write a letter of forgiveness. It might be, ‘Dear So and So, I forgive you for the way you betrayed me.’ Then write the first rebuttal that comes to mind. Keep doing this, whether it’s ten or twenty times, until you come to the place where there are no more rebuttals and you can say, ‘I forgive you for …’”
Mr. Wright continues, “It’s when the good-byes are said that you can turn the corner and move ahead.”
You may not want to say good-bye, but this is necessary at some point in your recovery process. Saying good-bye does not mean you are closing yourself off from the other person. You are saying good-bye to what you have lost, to the things of the past, and to a relationship that is over. You are experiencing closure to the grief, blame, anger, and emotions that are behind you. A new way of living is before you that may or may not include your former spouse.”
I found it very interesting to read it that day. I knew something had shifted in me and that it had been for the better. Once I read it all I emailed my mom stating, “I read this today and I think within the past two weeks I have come to this… The relinquishing my anger and feelings of betrayal.” She emailed me back stating she had seen a change in me lately and agreed.
It was like a burden on my back had been lifted and all the hate and betrayal I had for my ex had disappeared. I was done feeling that way and was ready to move on. Yes I still have to see him every week until the middle of December but I no longer have the hate that I had for him.