With the final divorce court date coming up in just a few weeks and having Christmas and New Years. It is time to start moving on. Start putting my life back together.
We always have that don’t we. Once someone moves on and we end up alone again or even after a close family member dies there is a time where we go through the process of grief, anger, regret and everything else. Then there is a time where we just have to move on. I feel that is where I’m at right now. I can’t be pissed at him forever, I mean I could be but that wouldn’t help anyone. I’ve been trying to get my life back in order one piece at a time. Now the puzzle is starting to come together and look like a beautiful piece of art work. It’s a process though, a very slow process. Filled with lots of bumps in the road and bad days. There are the good days though as well, the ones where you get to see friends (male and female).
I have had so many people I couldn’t see while I was married because my ex didn’t like them (they were males). Yet he could go hang out with any female he chose to and I was supposed to be fine with that. I’ve met some new people who have been awesome, including a new guy. Who at this point is just a friend but has potential to be more. He takes care of me when we are together. You can tell he cares for me but wants to take it slow. Which I am 100% fine with.
With every relationship end there is a grieving period and no one can tell you how long it will take. You don’t even know until one day you wake up and say, “today is going to be different. I will not cry all day today. I will be strong.” I remember I had that moment the Thursday before I kicked my ex out. That weekend we were going camping and going to go see a race. I spent the entire weekend talking to friends about it and keeping my distance from him. Yes we slept in the same bed Friday night but Sunday night he slept in the cab of the truck and I slept in the bed. He was drunk and come to find out he went MIA on the people who were supposed to be watching him because I kept getting sick (from the stress). I got up the next morning packed up all of the dog and my stuff and left without saying goodbye. He didn’t come home that night. I packed his stuff that night and went to work. While at work I reconnected with some old guy friends I couldn’t talk to when I was with my then husband. While talking to the guy friend I said that I was done crying every day and feeling like a failure. Done feeling I couldn’t do anything right. I left work early, ran home and packed my car with his stuff. Dropped the dog off to my parents house and went to where he hangs out when I’m at work. I told him that I was letting him be free which was what he wanted. He was so confused. Probably wondering how I found out he was cheating on me.
After kicking him out it was a few good days and bad nights followed by lots of bad days. But it’s a process. Everyone has to grieve at some point. It was the end of a relationship. Now looking back on that day almost 4 months ago now. I know it was the best decision I could make. I am miserable now some days but I don’t go home and cry every day. I’m not running around trying to please him. I am doing my thing and being me. There is nothing better than that. If a guy happens to come along and it turns into something more then friends or a hookup I would be more open to it but I would want to go slow.