Well I guess it’s time to turn over a new leaf. I was able to receive the divorce papers from my ex. He had signed them. He later texted me stating he was very sorry and wished I could have held on a little while longer for him to prove he was changing. I told him I wished him the best and was proud that he was working on bettering himself. He also asked if we could be friends. I told him not now. Like I really need any more guy drama in my life.

I have a guy I can’t shake that is now talking about me marrying him so he can stay in the country. HELL NO!!! Why?!? He knows I’m still married and even if I wasn’t still married why would I want to jump right into another marriage with a guy I barely know.

Hell I don’t even know if I want to ever get married again. Then there’s good old JD. Who I’m pretty sure his name is what he has been telling me for over a year… We are friends, have always been. We also have casual things on the side but not any more. He contacted me this weekend wanting to start that back up. Again HELL NO!!!!

I’ve discovered my life is way to complicated right now to involve anyone who wants more than friendship. I don’t want my strings attached to any man right now. I’m just getting single, yeah it sucks! But why would I jump into another relationship to possibly get hurt again. Healing takes time why not work on me first before working on me with someone else involved?

I want to get back into shape. I’m already starting to eat right its just getting that motivation to workout and be active. Especially when I come home and all I want to do is sleep because I’m almost sure I’m still dealing with depression and self worthlessness. But then again I’ve dealt with that my entire life.


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