“I’m not good enough at _____”

“I’m not good enough at _____”

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Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? Look sexy enough? Act smart enough? In our society today it’s all about looks. The skinnier you are the more attractive you look. So people strive to be super skinny and unhealthy in an act to obtain that thigh gap or those 6 pack abs.

When you go through a divorce you begin to think this as well. You begin to question your self-esteem and wonder what you did wrong in the relationship that your significant other had to cheat on you or no long loves you. But why do we turn in word to our appearances? What if it’s not about us at all? I keep reading about how Divorce is never 100% that persons fault (or your fault) it is usually 60/40, 50/50, 30/70. The marriage broke up for a reason or even multiple reasons. They may have cheated on you, but you have to look at what you did in the relationship, you may not have made them go out and cheat but you probably also didn’t lead them on in a romantic way. When was the last time you and your spouse went out on a date? An actual romantic date? Even though we get married we aren’t supposed to stop dating.

The question that I hear a lot of my friends struggle with when getting a divorce, Did I do all I could have done? I often asked that question before I kicked my ex out. I remember going on a walk with my parents one night and I was in tears wondering if I truly had done it all or was I missing something. It wasn’t long after that when I decided that I had done everything I could. I was being hurt more emotionally and psychologically then I was benefiting from the relationship. I decided then that it was over. It was only after I served him papers that he responded saying, “Let’s go to counseling”. (Mind you I had asked him for months to go to counseling and he kept stating we didn’t need it.) It was his last ditch effort to keep me as the supplier in the relationship. I knew though it wasn’t what I wanted. To come to that decision though was a very hard process. It didn’t happen overnight.

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I think when we are making decision, just like when we are contemplating on buying that new car or dress, we need to really think about it. Too often we jump to the next big thing not looking at the outcome in the long run or how it will effect you in the future. We are people who focus on the present not on the future. Moving to look at the future takes a lot of time. We can’t jump from one job to another if we don’t like it. Sometimes we have to stick around until something better comes along. But then again we get back to the question of “Did I really do enough?” Sometimes we leave things to be unfinished and forget about them, other times we rush to finish and don’t do a good job.

I heard once that you know your passionate about something when you can’t forget about it. When it continues to come to mind when you have a bad day, contemplating your next move, or looking toward your future. What can’t you forget about? What is your passion? What do you want to be known as?

We can all strive to be better, even if that doesn’t look like the magazines, TV shows or celebrities. We decide what makes us better.

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What defines you?

What defines you?

What defines you? Is it your job? The color of your skin? Your schooling? Where you live? Who your married to? How many children you have? Past experiences?

We all have things that have shaped us to who we are today. So I ask you, What defines you? What makes you tick? When someone introduces themselves to you and asks where your from or what you do, how do you answer that question?

A few months ago, while sitting in church with my family, my mom walked out to get coffee or something, and came back with my high school friend’s family (I have been out of high school for 10 years). They informed me that their daughter, my high school friend (whom I haven’t spoken to since Sophomore year of high school) was getting married. I informed them that it was great and to tell her I said hi. As the service got started, the band started to play and my mom turns to me, stating in a semi loud whisper, “I didn’t tell them you were divorced.” I just sat there and said, “Okay” and left it at that. After that it got me thinking how I would define myself. I know I am not defined by my broken marriage and divorce but if it is brought up in a conversation I will state that I am divorce. I won’t walk up to someone and state, “Hi, my name is ____, I’m divorced.” If someone walked up to you saying that how would you react?!? I would be shocked and say, “Okay, that’s great.” while casually thinking how can I get out of this situation the fastest…

So I ask you again, What defines you? What do you want to define you?

When you pass away, what type of legacy will you leave? Do you like how you are living or could you stand to change a little? We all can stand to change a little bit more…

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“To be Human is to be beautifully flawed”

Today is a no good, rotten day.

To be Human is to be beautifully flawed.

The best is yet to come.

We have been forgiven by God, so that we can forgive others.

Do not dwell on the past, for today is a brand new day.

Have you ever heard any of these sayings? Some of them are from movies, others are from books and others we have heard down the line from someone in our family or our friends.

We try to live a good life but what if our good life doesn’t equal what the world or our family and friends classify as a good life. We all make bad decisions, but those decisions can either define us or use us to make us a better person. In the movie October Baby there’s a line that states, “To be Human is to be beautifully flawed” and then in that same breath the actor states, “Hate the crime, not the criminal”. It’s so easy to do though, hate the criminal (the one who does us wrong) rather than the crime (the action they committed).

I learned this week about forgiveness. Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we have to forget. We need to forgive though because God has forgiven us. He sent his son down to earth to die for our sins. Christmas, although it’s joyful, is also a time of morning the real reason Jesus was born on this earth, to take away our sins. We can’t hate God or Jesus for doing that, we have to hate the fact that our sins were so great that God had to send his only son, Jesus, to die for our sins. Through that debt God forgave even the gravest of sins. This doesn’t mean we can just keep on sinning, we have to repent and try to do things better. We will have bad days but that shouldn’t define who we are. Today is a new day, yesterday is gone. The best is still yet to come.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

Life is always filled with decisions. We will always have forks in the pathway and will have to decide which path to choose. We wish that life was easier for us so that we didn’t have to make the wrong decisions but making the wrong decision helps us learn and grow. What happens when none of the options look good? What do you do then? Pick the one that looks less gloomy then the others?
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One decision can mean a world of difference. Maybe it’s if you should drink and drive, then end up hurting someone or yourself. Or maybe you let someone down after they asked you out for a date, what if that person was the one?

How do you make decisions? Especially the hard ones? Are you one that likes to stay away from conflict so you end up getting into situations you’d rather not be in because you didn’t say no? Or are you one who stands up for what you believe in and takes the world by the horns?

 

Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye

Goodbye it can mean very different things. It can be good or bad. Can you remember the first thing you said goodbye to? Was it a good thing or bad? What about the last thing? Good or bad?

We say goodbye to:

  1. School
  2. Relatives
  3. Our high school weight
  4. The freshman 15 (x3) in college
  5. Boyfriends
  6. Ex-husbands
  7. Animals

Sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye. Maybe your saying goodbye to a loved one whom you were close with. A boyfriend or girlfriend that didn’t treat you right. But what about ending that relationship that isn’t good for you? That is hard to say goodbye to. You have that closeness with that person. Even if it was all physical and nothing emotional.

Saying goodbye is hard to do. How do you deal with saying goodbye? Do you have any tips or suggestions?

Just a name

Just a name

A name can be a powerful thing. Weather you’re last name is in direct correlation with some powerful figure or you are named after your late fathers’ mother. We all have a first name, middle and last name. Most likely our parents didn’t just pick a name out of thin air. There is a reason why you are named the name you are. Names are often one of the first things we learn about each other.

We all know in our lifetimes there are reason why people want to change their name, some of them include:

  1. Getting married and taking your husband or wife’s last name
  2. Disconnecting from your family heritage by changing your last name
  3. Hating your first name so you change it
  4. Running from the law or your past

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a different name? To live a different life? Wonder what would happen if the stork dropped you off 3 doors down instead of at your parents doorstep? Where would you be now, today?

Rejected, Taken and Unavailable

Rejected, Taken and Unavailable

Words no one wants to hear or feel. Yet we still hear and feel them. We may feel rejected by a significant other or a family member or friend. We may feel used for a certain purpose from that person.

The people we want to be loved and accepted by the most are the ones that tend to hurt us the most. The brother who is out with your niece and walks right past your door on Halloween. The guy who would be perfect for you but is either in a toxic relationship they can’t get out of, the person that lies to you all the time, or the person who wants to be committed to you and expresses it but when it gets time to dating they run away.

At what point do you cut your losses and move on? What about if it’s that family member, you can’t really cut off from them… is there truly a happy everafter for everyone. I was told during a divorce meeting that God created a soulmate for everyone and that he will deliver your soulmate right in your lap. Well here I am God willing and waiting!